Narrative Therapy and the Gottman Method: Helping Couples Rewrite Their Relationship Story

When couples reach out for therapy, it’s often because they feel stuck in cycles of conflict, disconnection, or miscommunication. Narrative Therapy and the Gottman Method Couples Therapy are both potentially powerful tools in couples therapy. They can also work together to help partners shift their perspective, strengthen communication, and build a healthier relationship.

What Is Narrative Therapy in Couples Therapy?

Narrative therapy invites couples to look at the stories they’ve been telling themselves about their relationship. Instead of seeing a partner as “the problem,” issues are externalized, such as naming “the silence” or “the criticism” as the challenge. This approach helps partners uncover how past experiences, cultural messages, or family patterns shape the way they relate to one another, while also opening the door to rewrite their shared story with greater compassion and connection.

What Is the Gottman Method?

The Gottman Method is a research-based approach to couples counseling that focuses on building friendship, managing conflict, and creating shared meaning. Through structured interventions and practical tools, couples learn how to:

• Improve communication

• De-escalate conflict

• Increase intimacy and respect

• Create shared goals and rituals of connection

Using Narrative Therapy and Gottman Together

While the Gottman Method gives couples concrete strategies to strengthen their relationship, Narrative Therapy helps them reflect on the deeper stories that influence how those strategies are used. For example:

• A couple might learn Gottman’s “softened start-up” communication tool but also explore the narrative of why one partner avoids conflict in the first place.

• They may practice Gottman’s rituals of connection while rewriting a narrative of “we’re too different to make this work” into “our differences make us resilient.”

Blending these two approaches allows couples to address both practical skills and the underlying meaning-making that shapes the relationship.

Benefits of Combining Narrative Therapy and the Gottman Method

Couples therapy that integrates these approaches can help partners:

• Break out of negative cycles and patterns of blame

• Strengthen trust, empathy, and emotional intimacy

• Reframe the relationship as a team effort against problems, not against each other

• Use evidence-based tools while also creating a renewed sense of hope and possibility

Is This Approach Right for Your Relationship?

If you and your partner want both the proven structure of the Gottman Method and the deeper reflection of Narrative Therapy, combining these methods can help you move from conflict to connection. With support, you can rewrite your story and build a more intentional, loving partnership.

I use these approaches hand in hand in my work as a couples therapist. If it sounds like what you're looking for reach out today to schedule a free consultation.

Quick Take
Blending Narrative Therapy with the Gottman Method gives couples both practical tools and fresh perspectives.